One Hour, Eight Minutes

Boston Library Cat

Boston Library Cat

One hour and eight minutes was all it took to receive a rejection email after submitting to a publication seeking material for a triptych, a poem in three columns, commenting on itself on the side.  I was certain I had the right stuff, but the reply that zipped back said the readers just “didn’t love it enough” to pass it along to the editors. Scamps!  Judge for yourself.  (I cannot show columns in WordPress, so use your imagination!)

Column One

Qualities of a Body Parts Model

 Long fingers,

   no veins showing

 Skin free of blemishes, scars or large pores

 Legs free of cellulite

The industry’s most comprehensive catalog of Bumpers, Grilles,Fenders, Hoods, Door Handles, Window Regulators, Bumper Covers, Radiator Supports, Mirrors, Headlights, Tail Lights, Cornering Lights and more!

Whoops.  Wrong type of part!

Unusual Parts – photo of a Jack Russell Terrier.

Click here to apply:

Dear Potential Talent,

Thank you for your interest…

We are a catalog of parts to the industry. What industry, you ask? THE industry-that includes television, film, commercials, movie posters, print ads, multimedia, and just about any industry where a perfect part may be inserted.

Column Two

Body Parts Model

I have a perfect body part I want to put on PartsModel.com where the best feet, hands, legs, eyes and necks are showcased, each part hoping to be chosen to model hand cream, leggings, shoes, watches, rings or mascara.  I post my part, a long, smooth-skinned white neck well-defined clavicle the perfect landscape for a necklace studded with diamonds.

Next to my photo I see even longer necks in deep shades of brown and ebony and shorter necks with creamier skin.  My perfect part looks perfectly ordinary.  Rejections appear in the comment section:  We are unable to use…our selection process is very competitive…  We want you to know each part was carefully examined by at least three members of our staff…We appreciate the chance to review your part.  We really do.  A flashing sign on the side of the screen catches my eye.

LeaseYourBody.com offers to put a temporary tattoo on my forehead:  Logos, Brands,  Directions.  Someone will pay me to strut a swish, an ad or an icon that is even more desirable, and lucrative, than my ambitious body part.

 Column Three

For rent: Your forehead for $5,000

Our Participants agree to wear temporary tattoos (logos) supplied by Advertisers. By doing so, YOU can earn BIG $$$$$.In exchange, Advertisers (companies) can gain novel exposure for their business.

You will be sent a temporary tattoo that you can apply yourself at home. Once applied, you take a picture and send it to our administrators. Once the picture is received, you will be paid half the amount (minus the Lease Your Body fee). Once your assignment is half-way through, you are required to send an update picture showing you are still wearing the tattoo. You will then be paid the rest of the money.

Woman tattoos forehead for $10K

Auctioning space on her forehead brought one young woman $10,000 and a permanent tattoo.  Claiming to love to be the center of attention…oh, well, that’s just sick.

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: